Boundaries? What are those?

Back before my in-laws purchased their vacation home nearby, they used to stay with us when they visited.  That's where I became fond of the saying, "Fish and Family start to stink after 3 days".  

There were times I would run errands while the in-laws stayed home at our house.  That's when I learned that when I was out, my Mother-in-law would get on my computer and read my email.  Now I'm not sure how long she had been doing it, but one day I came home to find her quite upset.  

Sidenote: My husband's brother is a big time jerky jerk. He's pretty much a carbon copy of my Father-in-law.  We loved the brother's wife, but as any self-respecting woman who is being forced to live in a 1940's era marriage, she left him.  After the divorce we kept in close contact with her and she continued to come out and visit us.  

Now back to my MIL and why she was upset when I arrived home.  She had seen (and read) an email from my former sister-in-law to me.  It was a harmless email (i.e. it didn't say anything negative about the in-laws or her ex) but my MIL was pissed that I was still in contact with her.  Of course to confront me, she had to admit that she had been reading my email.  

She didn't seem to think that reading my email was as big of a deal as the fact that I was still in contact with her former daughter-in-law.  

Of course that day I immediately password-protected my computer and we then informed her that if she wanted to use the internet, she had to use the "guest" account on my husband's computer.  (by the way, she never even asked to use my computer prior to using it.)

This is the same woman that even now that they have a vacation house nearby, comes over to my house, sees a pile of mail, and will pick it up and go through it.  Ahhhhhhhhh!

Even though we don't play their games, my husband and I aren't really free to confront/reprimand them.  For one, it's against their culture to reprimand your elders, especially your parents.  And two, with their emotional maturity of high-schoolers, if we were to ever reprimand them... they would sell their vacation house and never visit/talk to us again.  While that is sometimes a tempting option, in the long run we feel it best not to get cut off by the family.  

So my husband and I are forced to just complain to each other about them.  We actually text each other under the table when we're eating with them, or my husband will grab my knee whenever they are saying something ridiculous.  

Thank God my husband is just as annoyed by them as I am, or I'd never make it!  

Grudges and Totem Poles

Sure my in-laws are dysfunctional like many families.  But you know what my real beef is with them?  It's that I just can't forgive them.

We decided to adopt after having 5 miscarriages.  My in-laws were very supportive of this decision because they didn't want us to keep trying to have a baby and put my body through more of that devastation.  That is, until we told them we decided to adopt a biracial baby. 

Sure they were polite on the phone, but within a day or so we got an email from them that told us they were very upset about our decision.  They said they would rather us adopt a 100% any other ethnic group baby than a baby that is any percentage black.  

Yep, they said that.  Then they said it is their experience that anytime black is mixed with someone's blood, the person will end up on the bottom of the totem pole.  W.T.F?!

They worried that we would be making a mistake that we'd have to live with for the next 18 years, and that would end up harming their fully caucasian grandchild (our biological son).  

That's when I realized I married into Archie Bunker's family.  We very politely informed them we weren't asking for permission.  We were just INFORMING them of our plans.  

The irony, of course, is that our multi-racial son actually looks white.  And he's their favorite kid.  So much so that they only pay attention to him.

But that's not the end of the story.  When we decided to adopt again (this time from Africa), we got a concerned call from them.  They were sure we'd either 1. be killed over there and leave our two perfectly good kids orphans, or 2. adopt an HIV+ child which would in turn infect us all.  

I'm happy to say neither of those things happened.  But they still treat our African child like she has HIV.  Or maybe just cooties.  

So you see, with every annoying, dysfunctional thing they do, it makes it just that much harder to tolerate because I just can't forgive them.  

I'm normally a very forgiving person.  I'm not usually bitter.  But I guess when it comes to my kids, I'm a Mama Bear.

By the way, when I told my dad we were adopting a biracial baby, his response was, "I don't care, as long as the baby is not Southern!"  Bwahahaha. Gotta love him.

Twitter

So why is my Twitter account @RedConfessions and not @Red_Hot_Crotch like it was?  Because when @Red_Hot_Crotch starts following people, 9 out of 10 people report it as SPAM.  True Story.  Took me almost 2 weeks to get Twitter to unsuspend me because almost every person I followed reported me as SPAM.  So I changed it to the more friendly @RedConfessions.  Apparently people were offended by my red hot crotch.  

Also, FYI... though most of you know who I am, please refrain from referring to me by name in the comments.  That is in the case any of my in-laws or family members happen upon this blog, they will hopefully not be able to trace it back to me.  That and hopefully the name of the blog will scare them away.

Don't forget to follow my twitter account and this blog.  I will follow everyone back!  And please, don't be afraid of my red hot crotch.  It's never hurt anyone. *wink*

And You Thought Crocs Were Ugly

Perhaps it's just that my father-in-law annoys me to death and perhaps I'm being catty, but these are his favorite shoes.  They drive me INSANE.  I think they are so ugly.  He thinks they're awesome.  He can hose them off if they get dirty and they protect his toes from getting stubbed.  He likes them so much he bought a pair for his wife, though I've never seen her wear them.  He even offered to get my husband and I a pair.  We politely refused. Whoever called Crocs the ugliest shoes has never seen these.

You should see them when he's wearing his coveralls.  Yep, that's right.  Did I mention he considers coveralls to be perfectly acceptable attire when going out to dinner with us?  He has coveralls in every color.  I once peeked in his closet and found over 20 pairs of coveralls.  No he is not a car mechanic.  He just likes to wear them.

One of these days I'll get a ninja pic of him wearing these shoes with his coveralls.

Quit Correcting My Kids In Front Of Me!

My in-laws arrived in town just in time for my younger son's birthday.  Since my husband was working, I invited them to hang out with us.  We went out to eat for lunch at my son's favorite place.  My two boys were sitting next to each other and having a good time.  I don't allow my kids to be unruly.  They weren't being disruptive to the restaurant, but they were having fun and enjoying each other.  I was talking to my Mother-in-Law when I noticed my FIL get up, physically move my one son's chair over, while he put his chair between them.

That pissed me off because my FIL always steps in to reprimand/parent my kids when my husband's not around.  And he corrects them on stuff I wouldn't correct them for.

Later the FIL told my husband & I that when he told my older son to switch chairs with him, my son said, "You can't make me."  That's why he got up and physically moved him.  When we heard that, we were shocked. Our son does not normally say such disrespectful things.  We made him apologize.

At home I asked my son why he said that.  He said, "I said it because I was mad that he was trying to parent us in front of you.  You're the one in charge of us, not him."  Ahhhh... that makes sense.  While he wasn't right to respond that way, he did have a right to be angry.  And I was angry too.  I'm sick of my FIL stepping in to parent my kids in front of me, when he doesn't do it in front of my husband.

Fast forward to this weekend.  We were at the in-laws' house, eating dinner with them.  The kids were playing outside.  My husband brought up the situation so we could inform my FIL why our son reacted that way.  As soon as we said our son was angry, the FIL shrugged and said if it happened again, he would correct them again.  He wouldn't change a thing about what he did.  He said while they weren't disrupting the restaurant, they were still acting like hooligans (really?) and he wasn't able to hear what I was saying my MIL.  HE HAS HEARING AIDS!  OF COURSE HE COULDN'T HEAR!

So I said, "Well, how our son reacted is consistent with how we raised them.  We've taught our kids that WE are in charge, unless we leave the kids in the care of someone else."  (hoping he would understand we don't want him stepping in to parent the kids in my presence)  My FIL said, "Well, they were acting in a way I would've never allowed my boys to act!"  (uh... #1 you are NOT their father, and #2 neither of your boys like you as adults as a result of your parenting)

He said, "I'm not trying to tell you how to parent your kids."  Uh... yes you are.

When I reiterated that the kids do not want other people trying to parent them when one of their parents is present my FIL got all dramatic.  "Fine, it will not happen again.  In fact, the next time they act that way I'll just leave the restaurant."  *rolls eyes*

I tried to smooth things over and said, "Well, we don't want you to leave." My FIL kept insisting he would walk out next time, and I kept telling him we don't want him to do that. (my husband starts kicking me under the table... apparently my husband is in full support of his father leaving like an idiot when things don't go his way)  Of course if he walks out of the restaurant, then I'm the one stuck with the bill.

Then my FIL continues the dramatics and says, "If we're getting in the way of parenting your kids, we'll just stop coming out to visit.  It's as simple as that."  Seriously, can he be more dramatic?

My husband stepped in to tell him/them that all we really want is for them to enjoy our kids.  But they can't.  They are still operating under the "children should be seen and not heard" rule.  They have rules for the kids at their place that include, "No singing in the house, no humming in the house, no playing together on the floor."  Seriously.

Our kids are actually pretty fantastic kids and anyone who knows them will agree that they are sweet, responsible and well-behaved.  But they're not robots.  The in-laws just don't know how lucky they are to have our kids as their grandkids.  And they probably never will.  They don't deserve to have my kids as their grandkids.  And sadly, my kids deserve to have Grandparents that cherish them, love them and enjoy them.

The only thing that has changed is that my kids now no longer see their grandparents with rose-colored glasses.  They see their grandparents as they really are and they no longer beg to go over to visit them.  Their relationship with my kids is changing, and they have no one to blame but themselves.

In-Law Story of the Day

We had lunch this weekend with the in-laws. They were lamenting the fact that the house they bought near us has lost value in the past couple of years.  So they told us they decided that they SHOULD HAVE had us sell our house, and pool together their money and ours to buy a big house that would've fit us all.

I like how they think they could've just told us to sell our house and think we would've done it. (which we wouldn't have)

There's not enough anti-depressants and tranquilizers on the planet that would make me able to live with my in-laws.

MIL Story of the Day

Just found out my brother-in-law and his wife are going to New York for vacation.  My mother-in-law is apparently a nervous wreck.  Why? She's worried about their safety because of the "Occupy Wall Street" situation.  For serious.

And being the good daughter-in-law that the brother's wife is, she is going to appease their fears by emailing them their itinerary and calling the in-laws daily to assure them of their safety.  She's clearly winning the "favorite" daughter-in-law contest.  Not that I can win that contest anyway.  She's Southern, I'm not. And I forced my husband to adopt black children.  Did I mention I also have tattoos?

In contrast, when I told my husband about his parents' freak out about his brother's trip, he suggested we tell his parents we're moving to Sierra Leone because we hear they are rebuilding... and then wait for their response. *insert mischievous grin*